I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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