My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
