I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
