I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
