My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
