My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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