what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
