some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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