I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
