my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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