barbara walters just said penis...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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