Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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