Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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