Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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