Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
