Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
