ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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