How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
