he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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