you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
