he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
