so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
