bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
