can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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