next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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