I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
