there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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