If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
