I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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