Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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