cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
