That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
