some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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