I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
