So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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