oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
