Will you blow on my dice?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
