I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
