Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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