I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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