I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
