It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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