So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
