HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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