Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
