trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
we should paint friendship bongs
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
