I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
