Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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