I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
