that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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