I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
